Leaping #2: Don’t Hate

Since my decision to leave my full time job, I have been overwhelmed with supportive and wonderful comments, calls and emails telling me to enjoy my “leap of faith,” to embrace my time with Max and my favorite—“defy gravity.” (Thank you, Robbin Davis).

Then, there are the haters.

“Why would you leave a good job?” (There are lots of good jobs)

“Are you sure you thought this through?” (No, I didn’t at all, thanks for calling that to my attention)

“I figured you would quit sooner or later.” (Most people do quit a job—or 10—in their lifetime)

“What will you do?” (Whatever the hell I want, thanks)

(Note—and all of the above comments have had “the tone”—you know exactly the tone to which I am referring .)

I have decided that people often say something snippy or hateful because they really don’t know what to say. And most likely because they could never imagine making the same choice. It’s fine if people don’t agree with my decision because the decision is mine and I don’t require permission.

I’ve loved working and have had an amazing career. Every job I’ve had has taught me so many things about myself—strengths, weaknesses, what I love and what I won’t put up with. When I became a mom, I did experience the occasional bout of mommy guilt but it usually went away as fast as it came. But with time and age comes perspective and my perspective has changed. I want off the wheel. I want balance and flexibility. I want to stay in my yoga pants all day if I choose. I want to be where I am needed the most.

So to those who don’t seem to understand my decision, I say this: someday you may have a child or husband, an aging parent, a sick in-law, a health problem or all of the above—on top of a demanding job. I can almost guarantee you will feel conflicted about how to fit it all in. Let's just hope those around you say something nice or don't say anything at all.

Leaping

"Sometimes your only form of transportation is a leap of faith”

I saw this quote several weeks ago and it has been stuck in my head ever since. I’ve never been great at leaping—let alone jumping or even baby stepping. I’m not much of a risk taker.

But I’ve learned that it is OK to step outside my comfort zone because sometimes, that is where you find all the fun. And I am doing my best to impart this to Max. As a mom, one of the many things I want to do is to help Max learn to take chances, to learn to fail, to put himself out there, to experience disappointment—all in the name of learning who he is.

At 42 I am still learning who I am and lately, my gut has told me that it is time to put my big girl pants on and take a leap. A leap into the unknown and without a huge safety net.

So today, after an amazing 20-year career in marketing and communications--full of countless experiences I wouldn’t trade for the world—I leapt. Into what? I am not really sure. I have a few ideas but for now, I am just going spread my wings and fly.

I can’t wait to see where my leap takes me.

New Shoes

Last night in yoga class my instructor encouraged us to approach our practice like we were wearing a new pair of shoes.

Huh? I love shoes but what do they have to do with yoga?

"New shoes are rarely comfortable the first time you wear them," she explained. “It takes wearing them over & over before they feel just right.” She suggested using this approach on our mat—doing something a little uncomfortable: a new pose, stretch or something completely different than what we usually do.

I took her advice. I did something different in crane pose, jumped back to downward-facing dog instead of stepping back; I worked on my gaze in airplane and jumped higher and stronger in dancing monkey. None of this felt comfortable in the slightest when I was doing it, but once I had time to reflect on what I accomplished, it was empowering.

Why is this so relevant to me? Because I am the queen of finding what's comfortable & sticking with it. There are countless times I wore the same old shoes. I knew how they fit and what to expect so why should I put on a different pair? I am certain there are things I’ve missed because I didn't try the new shoes.

As class ended, our instructor praised us for practicing with our new shoes. Her challenge as we were leaving? To wear those same new shoes in our life off our mat.

Sounds like the perfect idea. What girl doesn't like a new pair of shoes?

Remembering Bo

Bo joined our family 11 years ago as an eight- week-old puppy. Sophie, our female Lab was two the time and certainly needed a friend, I decided. Bo was wild, had great puppy breath and loved to bark at Sophie and the cats (who were old and cranky and frequently swatted him). Sophie quickly let Bo know who was boss and all was well in our house. They were the best of friends.

Over the years Bo had countless visits to the Braum’s drive thru for ice cream, swims at various lakes, walks through the neighborhood, naps in the sunshine and many other experiences that prove it is great to be an animal at my house. When Max came along, Bo was the first to give him a big sloppy kiss (which my grandmother assured me would immediately make Max sick—it didn’t).

Bo’s escapades of raiding the pantry are known far and wide and I still don’t know if it was Bo or Ben the Cat who could open the door but my money was on Bo. He could eat a box of Krispy Kreme donuts in less than 30 seconds. Bo loved shoes and caused me great stress when he decided to chew up a pair I borrowed from my friend Heidi. I cried to the shoe repairman and he made them look like new. And who could forget the bouncy ball incident. A 25-cent ball from a vending machine cost me $1300 in vet bills. But Bo was worth every penny.

Before Thanksgiving I noticed Bo wasn’t himself. I knew he was sick but I didn’t want to hear it. I just kept thinking he would get better. When I finally had the courage to take him in he was diagnosed with kidney failure. I knew it would eventually take his life but I hoped for later rather than sooner. IV fluids and a special diet helped him bounce back until just after Christmas. On New Year’s Eve when he stopped eating, I knew he was telling me that it was time. Sunday afternoon, I put him on the bed with me and we took a nap. He put his head on my pillow and I rubbed his stomach and told him what a bright light he had been in our life. That night at bedtime, I found Sophie on his bed with him (see photo above). She was saying goodbye. Monday morning before he went to the vet, I sat next to his bed and stroked his head. I put his leash on him and he made one last visit to his favorite tree…he was struggling to get there and it broke my heart.

So on a blue blanket in waiting room one at Nichols Hills Vet Clinic, I held Bo as he quietly went to sleep. In a crazy way, I had a sense of peace that everything was OK because the words of my wise 8 year old rang in my head: “We have had a good life with Bo and now he’s going to be with God, Mom and Dog Heaven is amazing. I bet he can eat all the Krispy Kreme’s he wants!”

Eat up, sweet Bo.

What Makes A Family

Max: For Thanksgiving, I want all the people I love to be here. You know, me, you, Dad, Gran and Mark. That's my family.

I've learned a lot about family lately. In particular, I've learned families can look lots of different ways and often it's a common bond that ties you with others that truly makes a family.

Today, the family that Max spoke of spent the day eating, talking, laughing and being thankful. Our common bond? Our love for Max and our love & respect for one another.

Divorce is never easy, even when it is amicable. It hurts, it can make you feel like a failure, it's scary. You worry about how it will affect your child, what people will say and you wonder if you have it in you to start over.

Since our divorce, Max's dad and I have kept our focus on Max--just like we did when we were married. We made sure he understood that our adult problems had nothing to do with him and that regardless of our marital status, he has mom & dad who love him and always put him first.

Holidays can often bring out the very worst in people, but not at our Thanksgiving. Today was about family and putting others first. As I looked around the table and saw the smile on Max's face, I thought about how happy he was to have the people he loves--his family-- together.

Will it be this way every year? That I can't answer but what I can say is that I am thankful for today.

Perfection & Politics

Max: I don't like all the voting commercials because they are mean. They all talk about how the other person did bad stuff and say don't vote for them. All the candidates do bad stuff, I bet.

Max—my sweet little old soul of a son— offers many wonderful observations on a regular basis but this one stopped me in my tracks. We were on our way home from Mass where we had just heard Father Rick talk about perfection. He explained that no one is perfect—we all make mistakes. Max and I smiled at each other on this one, because we both struggle with striving to be perfect. Father Rick also explained that those who choose to focus on the imperfections of others don’t ever come out on top.

The child to whom I have to repeat 14 times every morning to get dressed and brush his teeth truly does listen, maybe not to me but obviously to political commercials. Max took a wonderful message from Mass and related it to something that was on his mind. He’s 8 and is too young to vote but clearly isn’t too young to realize that pointing out what is wrong with others doesn't make you a winner.

I hope that never changes.

(Note: Max says wearing a mask based on a political figure does not imply endorsement for said political figure.)

My Inner Third Grader

It’s funny how something intended for elementary students can have just as much meaning to adults—and maybe even more.

At our recent school open house, Max’s teacher gave all parents an overview of what to expect in third grade—the types of things the class would accomplish, her goals for the year, expectations and more. One thing that jumped out at me was a list of character goals she will be working on with the students:

Persevere
Be Confident
Show Integrity
Be Kind
Forgive
Show Empathy
Be Honest
Be Patient

Max and I talked about these things and he told me the ones he felt like he needed to work on most (persevere, be confident, be patient). In turn, I shared with him the ones I needed to work on (forgive, be confident). Max said, “You’re an adult, Mom, and you know this stuff already.” True, but even adults forget and need to be reminded, I explained. I also told him that being an adult doesn’t always guarantee that you do everything right. Oh how I know that.

I typed the list and put it on our refrigerator for both of us to see. As we’re beginning the routine of a new school year, complete with homework and projects and lots of new challenges, we’ve referred to the list a few times—especially when Max gets frustrated that homework comes before Legos, Wii or the computer. And especially when he needs that extra push to do something that doesn’t come easy.

And for me, I looked right at the list when the dog—for the 10th time—broke into the pantry and ate 10 packages of pretzels (patience) and when a family member did something that really hurt me (forgive) and realized that even as an adult, you can learn a lot from third grade.